Moving on with
Savvy
Come along as I navigate life changes and reflect on the contingencies that contributed to those changes
“You can make a wish, but then you have to do the wish, it doesn’t just happen” -Anonymous 9 year old
Blog
Hello world!
I am sure that no matter where you are in your life, you have had some sort of connection to the education system. Most of us have at least attended a public school, have children who are currently attending a public school, or maybe even work within the public school system.
I can say I have proudly served as a public education teacher for 6 years, and now it is time to move on. Why? Well that is a long story with so many contingencies that I will continue to dive into with this blog.
If you would have talked to me last April I would have told you that I intend to stay with my district for another 10 years, living happily in my apartment and never, ever, having to do yard work. Well now not only am I leaving my district, I am shifting into a clinical role away from public education, moving 4 hours away from my current location that has been my home for the last 5 years, and becoming a home owner with a large yard for my fur baby to run around (so yes that means I will have to do yard work).
While this has been the hardest decision I have had to make, I keep getting the small signs that tell me I am doing the right thing. As an empath, care giver, and people pleaser, this decision has made me feel extremely selfish. However, after coming home crying almost every day in August and September (I am not a crier), I knew it was time to be selfish and make a change.
Yes, you read that right, the school year had barely began and I was already at my wits end and burnt out. Multiple days I considered dropping everything and not returning to my job the next day, however, I looked within my circle of control, and began researching and making huge life decisions that included applying for jobs, multiple interviews, and signing a new contract all by the time November rolled around. With a light at the end of the tunnel I was able to buckle down, prioritize, and make sure I made my last year with my students as positive and memorable as I could.
I know I am not the only one who has been beat down by the public education system. This blog is dedicated to those who have felt the same way I have, or those who currently feel the same way I did and just need a little bit of inspiration on taking control of their life.
How did I know it was time for a change?
I am lucky enough to have been nurtured in an environment where I believed I could change the world all on my own. As my independence grew the confidence in myself bloomed along with the confidence that others would put in me. The first few years I was thriving. I knew I was good at my job, I was appreciated, and that people listened to my ideas. While I felt like I was making change around me (and I was) I quickly learned that it is a lot more challenging to make that same impact on a district wide or state wide level. After networking, attending conferences, and doing research to expand my knowledge, I quickly learned that the things I thought were only an issue in my district are actually issues in the districts around me, the districts in the state, and even districts nationwide. Suddenly all that confidence I had in myself and that others put in me started to feel really heavy.
Let me step back a little bit. When I was a sophomore in college getting my undergrad I had an opportunity to study abroad in Greece. This was the first time I traveled by myself for an extended period of time. Growing up in a small town in the middle of Nebraska I was extremely sheltered. I spent my adolescent years being a people pleaser and always worrying about what people thought of me. Suddenly I am away at college and signing up to go across an ocean, with peers I didn't know, for three months. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. Something that I always thought was just an idea quickly became my reality (thanks to my mom's support and pushing me to take the leap).
Why am I mentioning this? Well this trip taught me a lot of things. Ever heard the saying your a small fish in a big sea? I am here to tell you the reality of that. The world is huge, full of people, culture, experiences, sites, and opportunities. As an individual we are just a small ant who is part of the immense world that we live on. When things start to feel heavy, it is important to zoom out and take a look at the bigger picture. Then reflect with yourself, is this load that I am carrying worth my peace and happiness?
For 5 years that load was worth my peace and happiness. I still saw the small changes I was chipping away at. However, suddenly I wasn't just carrying a load that was heavy, I was in the middle of the ocean treading for my life while holding that load above water. I was losing myself and therefor losing the ability to make the change I was wanting to make.
As a person who works with children, specifically children with autism, they deserve the best version of me. When I was unable to give that to them, I knew it was time to swim to shore. For me that meant slowly unloading and finding a support system to make life a little less heavy. Once I made that decision, I immediately began to feel lighter and have been able to give my students the best version of myself for the time I have left with them. Instead of feeling the need to immediately walk away and never return to my job, I suddenly had the capacity to finish my contract year providing a positive environment for my students and staff.
Do I have moments where I worry I am making a huge mistake? ABSOLUTELY. However, life has a funny way of sending you reminders and pushing you on the path you need to be on. Every time I am about to regret everything I have set in motion, I am quickly reminded that I am in fact doing what is best. I have to have confidence in those internal gut feelings. I don't want to always be chasing happiness, I want to live a happy life and enjoy it. We only have one life, we might as well enjoy it instead of spending it treading water.
But what about the kids?
As I start my journey of leaving teaching and moving away, this is the first question people ask me about my plans.
Anyone in the education system will tell you they do it for the kids (and if they don’t, that’s a warning sign!).
Most teachers know from a young age that they want to work with children and make a difference. We commit to this goal by completing coursework, making lesson plans (let’s be honest, teachers don’t actually write 5-page lesson plans in real life… that’s just for school), doing fun projects, and gaining hands-on experience. Most teachers take this on while juggling part-time jobs and social life in college.
After 4 or more years, a new teacher emerges from college, eager and ready for their first job. Ideally, they find a supportive environment with helpful administrators, funding for supplies, and great mentor teachers who aren’t burned out. But let’s face it, that’s often not the reality. New teachers face challenges like limited resources, tired coworkers, and tight finances.
In hopes of easing the stress and financial strain, a Master’s program might seem like a bright spot. It offers a deeper understanding of a subject and a chance to earn more money. Sadly, a Master’s degree isn’t the quick fix for happiness in a struggling system.
Yet, despite the challenges, teachers come to work each day, giving their best to their students. Ask any teacher why they teach, and they’ll say they do it for the kids. The connections created, the lightbulb moments, and the daily growth keep us going in the education system, pushing for small changes.
But what happens when we’re exhausted and feel isolated, just trying to keep our heads above water? You either sink or find a way to stay afloat.
So, what about the kids? You give your all until your contract ends. You share your knowledge and hope they are left in the capable hands of colleagues who are still managing.
The harsh truth is that the education system will keep running whether you’re there or not. However, we must take care of ourselves. Implement strategies that help you find success and happiness, and be ready to adapt if those strategies aren’t enough. Some might label that a midlife crisis, but it could just be a midlife opportunity.